Purpose of Life

During a fierce moment of rage, I discovered the truth about purpose of life and existence. There exists nothing called purpose of life. It is created. It is created by people to add meaning to their everyday existence.



The relationships that I destroyed. Will I be ever able to forgive myself? Will I get a purpose in life to live for? How did I become the person I am now? When did things turn topsy turvy? I fail to understand. The complexity of human emotions is overwhelming. Overpowering. Has self-control become a non-existent concept of my life?



The emotional tide that has swept my closer ones into its strong undercurrent has left them scarred. Will those scars disappear? Or will it remain as adamant as a dark red blood stain to remind me of the things I lost and the things I will lose in my life?



What do I want? Redemption? Do I really need one? Where will I find it? How will I find it?



I am just lost. I just don't see a way out. Darkness. Hurt. Anger. Questions. Confusions. Tears. A melange of everything. A concoction of bad energies. Absolute lack of energy. Hopelessnes.



But, there is a way out. Narrow. Constricted. Claustrophobic. A long tunnel of darkness. Ligth far away from the sight. A difficult passage for an escape. Travel through the passage is not worth the living. You think so. But, no choice. Take it. Go through it. Squeeze yourself into the tunnel of darkness. There will be light. Somewhere down the long and torturous path lies the bright world. Live it. Move on. Get inside. It may take aeons to come out. But you will see fresh air at the end of the tunnel. Breathe in the fresh air. The smell of flowers. Colourful world. Live it. Create that purpose of life.

In the Name of Honour

Reading In the Name of Honour, a memoir by the rape victim, Mukthar Mai, in Pakistani village, I felt a pang of pain rushing through my heart. I was not able to digest the fact that gang rape has been meted out to a woman as a punishment for the "crime" committed by her younger brother by the village panchayat. This brutal punishment was carried out to dishonour the family for the crime committed by the young boy in the family. The ' crime' was that he had spoken to an upper caste woman which is a strictly prohibited act by the tribal law of that particular village.And this is not just one shocking story that has happened so far all these years from the day the "mankind" has come into existence. It so happened that a journalist who came to know about this gothic incident has reported in the international newspaper and the attention of entire world turned towards Mukthar Bai. By the time world came to know about this, Mukthar Bai has gathered all her courage and determination to fight against this injustice in her country. And one more encouraging factor for her was that she had the entire support of her family which is something uncommon in those villages.So, now the question arises in my mind. As Mukthar Bai was courageous and had the support of her family, she stood against the injustice caused to her by the men of her village. What about those millions and millions of women who suffer such brutalities silently? What about those women who commit suicide when her family and her tiny world abandons her for being a victim of such unruly attitudes of men? Not all women are courageous like Mukthar Bai! The truth is not many women know that it is their right to rebel against such attitudes because so many women live and die without even realising the fact that they too belong to the human species leave alone awareness of their rights. Because that is how men want the women to be. They have been taught from the day one they were born to be submissive, docile and silent. And many do not know that a world exists outside their homes where there is an ever ongoing fight for the establishment of equality between the sexes. Many live a secluded life by being locked inside their homes away from the outside world performing their womanly duties of serving the husbands in all the possible ways.I, the feminist, argue and shout about women's rights and equality to my friends and acquaintances whenever I get a chance. I talk about the woman's identity. I talk about breaking the stereotypes of women as wives, daughters, sisters and mere possessions of men. I argue. I shout. I yell. I denounce. Hoping that these would bring in some changes.But, suddenly I become cynical reading Mukthar's story. Would these things really bring in some changes? I am here in a Metropolitan City arguing with disgusting men about the identity of women when deep down in the villages of the country a woman is not even seen as a human being but as a mere chattel of a man. A woman who can be raped to dishonour men. A woman who can be exchanged as a penalty for the crimes committed by men. Men! Bloody men!Has the status of women really changed in cities atleast where we claim high literacy rate of women?To many insensitive men the answer would be probably "YES". If so, then what about the women who suffer domestic violence silently? What about the women who has to undergo rape by their husbands in the name of 'legal union'? When we are celebrating the new modified law of domestic violence, one fact cannot elude our minds that easily. How many women will come forward to lodge a complaint against their husbands or fathers or brothers who abuse them? Has the status of these women really changed? Why dont they speak out? These educated literate women! It is because the society does not want them to speak out.Mukthar Mai's case is not just the problem of Pakistani women alone. It is the problem that is common to so many women around the world. It is a threat to humanity. we cannot deny the fact that such a problem or brutality is so common with our country too! Haven't we heard of the stories of so many dalit women raped by upper caste men? Did they get justice? Stuck in the powers of politics, money and male domination these women lose their lives ultimately! Those unheard stories and unheard voices! Those silent tears and tortured lives! Those women! Those poor, uneducated, voiceless and powerless women!And these bloody men claim that women have established enough rights. They speak about Female Chauvinism as though they give that much space for a woman to be really of one such kind! They rubbish the issues of eve teasing and leching saying it is the natural instict for men to flirt and stare. They say staring would not hurt. Staring , according to them, is a way of acknowledging the beauty of women. Bloody shit! Hell with these men! They know staring hurts a woman in the centre of her heart. They know that it is a of way objectifying women as sexual objects. They do it deliberately. They cannot see a woman beyond these stereotypes. They cannot accept a woman as an individual!And my close friend who got acquainted with me in Hyderabad says that I, as a feminist, should emphasize on creating awareness amongvthese men about these issues rather than arguing and looking them with disdain. For god's sake, wouldn't they know that staring hurts? Wouldn't they know that eve teasing humiliates a woman? Is it lack of awareness that causes men to disrespect women as individuals? Men dont want to change. They know what is right and wrong yet they act in the same way as they do not want to lose their superiority in the society.And to that friend and others who think naively in the same lines as my friend thinks, I really pity your naivette. How long do you think it would take for me or any other feminist to change a man into a normal human being? 100 years, or 50 years? May be 10 years? Whatever may be your argument, definitely not less than six years to make him a complete 'human being'! So those six years time would help a potential feminist to empower so many women. Why waste time on such awful creatures?. Making women stronger is more important than changing men. It would aeons for men to change. So what do you ecpect women to do in the mean time? Wait for the men to change and suffer in the brutal hands of these deadly creatures called MEN? Total absurdity!I know what would be the response to this blog by all these men who I consider beneath my level even to reply. They would call me a sodomized man who has created a hatred for all men around! Or a gay who supports women blindly! Or a castrated man! Or a traitor who is a shame to my own gender! To those sick men out there, this would not humiliate me. Your comments would only make me feel stronger. It would make me more fierce. Your denounciation makes me happy. It gives me hopes and confidence. It makes me to live out of the guilt that I have nurtured somewhere in the corner of my mind for belonging to this deadly species of human kind which has been cruel to the other half of the human kind all these years. I appreciate and welcome your dirty comments. That is strengthening me further. Call me a traitor! No word can make me more happy. Because it gives me the feeling that I dont belong to your kind. It means i am a complete human being because i am not dirty like u! I am not a chauvinist like you men! I am not a lecher like you subhumans! Whoever has told me that I am a shame to manhood, did you hear this? I am so proud of your accusation! My heart felt thanks to you for boosting up my self esteem.As I finish reading the book, I cry out loudly. Tears well out of my eyes with ease and force. I cry for the brutality faced by Mukthar. I cry because I am happy for her courage and confidence. I cry because of her determination to provide education for her village girls. I cry for those millions of silent women. I cry for those unheard voices!Mukthar Mai is just an example of rebellion. And it wouldn't take long for other oppressed women to join her. Mukthar is a symbol of hope to women. And men would no longer find it easy to escape just like that from justice. Atleast I hope that day is not too far!

To know more about Mukhtar Mai and her schools log on tohttp://www.mukhtarmaiwwo.org/

Me, the Feminist!

Looking back, I am unable to trace my path. I did not realise the moment I became an aggressive feminist. Because it did not come rushing into me suddenly on one fine day. It grew up gradually inside me. When did I become one? Was it at times when my mother used to make compromises on her career, ambitions and health to fit exactly into the role of a mother or wife? Or was it at times when my insensitive father remained free and did not have any such pressures to fit into his roles? Or was it at those times when my neighbours around my place praised my father for our education, growth etc. while the truth was that my father had contributed nothing towards our (me and my sister) growth? Did I realise that my father was stealing all the credits that should have gone to my mother? Did my father really steal it or it was the previlige he was enjoying for being a man? Why wouldn't even the society atleast try to think that my mother's role also would have been an important factor for our growth? Why does it go unacknowledged even when she was the only person to work hard for the child's growth? Didn't my mother earn equally as my father? Then why does the society praise my father alone? Isn't that the height of injustice? Why should I have my father's initial before my name? why can't it be my mother's?What right does the society or law has to force me? Why should I be identified as my father's son always and why not my mother's?Why does even the application forms, be it for any purpose like opening a bank account or in the electoral office or in the college application form or any such government procedures, always ask for husband's or father's name? What an injustice is this? Why can't it ask for a wife's name? Is a woman merely a man's possession in all her lifetime? So do they mean to say that proprietorial rights are transferred from father to husband once a woman is married? Shouldn't the government be ashamed for it?So... then, I started thinking. I started thinking from the age of 8 or 9. I saw the gender discrimination in each and everything. Everywhere!In my childhood I was totally inspired and fascinated by Bharathiyar's "Puthumai Pen" song while all the other children around me were familiar with "Odi vilayadu paapa". I still can't remember where I picked up the song when we were not taught at the school! Did I, at that early stage, go in for a search to find something that defies general social norms?As I stepped into adoloscence I started taking the right shape and become more aggressive. I was teased among my friends for anything I argue against the general set up of the society because they found it odd for a man to speak on feminism. I remember once in my college, I delivered a speech on "Women as successful Enterpreneurs" and I made a statement criticising the general stereotypes that are being forced on women. And just As I ended, the whole class broke into heavy laughter and was applauding trying to make piss about me. "Oh God! what a pity!", I thought.My thought process was never disturbed by these awful creatures called men. Bloody blood sucking creatures! Are these men mentally crippled? I used to wonder what made them not to realise or not to think! But now I know the truth. It is not that they have a poor IQ. It is because they do not want to think. They do not want to let go of the privileges they have been enjoying in the society so far. They are threatened by the women's growth. And so to feel secure, these men oppress, harass, abuse and some pig headed men go in for moral policing too.I have a friend ( But I no more call him so!), my class mate who goes around campaigning to all my class mates who are girls about the right womanly behaviour. He advices them not to sit crosslegged in front of men and lectures on how submissive they should be. He says only this kind of a behaviour would bring them good life! And do you know what does a good life mean to him? Obviously it is nothing other than the bloody marriage! And he is not a villager who has come from the deep south of Tamil Nadu. He was born and brought up in Chennai Metropolis. He has had enough exposure that a normal human being needs to think. So, why does he refuse to accept? It is because this uncouthed creature doesn't want to think! Oh sick creatures!Sexism, discrimination and chauvinism! These are the key personality traits for Indian men no matter who they are or where they are! Oppression and oppression! Wherever you go! Everywhere around you! In colleges, in schools, in corporate world, in media, within the four walls of the so called homes,on the streets, in the buses, in the law, in justice... Shouldn't women live as individuals? Is it too much to ask for?